The Super Secret Diaries of Allan A Dale
by LinnyLoo
Summary: Take a look into the mind of Allan as we make our way through the third series of Robin Hood. It's all really quite silly. project abandoned - but still worth reading!
1. Chapter 1

Hello there! :) I'm Linny and as far as I can remember I haven't actually written any Robin Hood fanfiction before, though I've done a little bit of editing for people.

The structure is loosely based on the collection of Lord of the Rings fanfics, "The Very Secret Diaries" by Cassie Claire, which are much better and funnier than anything I've ever written so you should definitely give them a read if you like this. I've tried not to completely copy her work though heh.

This is supposed to be a lighthearted look into the mind of Allan (I've never really been any good at angst), I hope you enjoy it! This excerpt is based on the first episode of the third series, so if you haven't seen it, don't read any further!

Here you are, this is how I imagine the diary of Allan to be lol.

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**The Super Secret Diary of Allan A Dale**

**Day 1:**

Back from Holy Land. Have a fabulous tan. Sad that Will and Djaq are gone.

Robin is in a right bad mood. Suspect it's because his girlie got stabbed, but not sure. She deserved it really, was far too pretty.

Dinner tonight tasted like the Sheriff's socks. Don't ask how I know, but it involved a lot of ale, the local baker and fifteen nuns in floral dresses.

Must get Much a new cookbook.

**Day 3:**

Missing Will, nobody to make me any friendship bracelets anymore.

Wonder if John will make me one.

**Day 7:**

Robin still moody. He says he doesn't need us.

Whatever, we all know that he still can't even tie his own shoelaces. Much says we must play along though.

Am getting much more attention from the village girls since Will left. Now realise why John's been so cheerful.

**Day 8:**

Robin got himself thrown in a river. Stupid boy. Hoping I'll inherit his straighteners, no doubt Djaq will try to claim them. Will have to collect all the pigeon post for the next couple of weeks.

Also, Guy of Gisbourne now looks like a girl.

He always did like _Dressing Up Wednesdays_ in the castle, but I never thought he'd share it with the public.

**Day 9:**

Me and John are off to find Robin's body. Don't worry, I've got some rubber gloves to get me through.

Thinking of learning to play the Lute. Found one amongst Robin's belongings, he would have wanted me to have it, for sure.

**Day 10:**

We pulled Much out of a ditch. No idea what he was doing in there, hadn't realised that he'd even left us.

Heard Sherriff shouting soon afterwards, assume the two events are related.

**Day 11:**

Apparently Robin is still alive. Some big holy chap came called Tuck and told us so.

Find him suspicious, but noticed he wears a friendship bracelet. Will trust him for now.

If Rob's alive I might have to give up Lute. Bit of a shame really, have already learnt to play "Row Your Boat".

**Day 12:**

Being lured by the bracelet was a mistake. Am definitely in a dungeon right now.

Get the distinct impression that the Sheriff does not like me.

Whatever, he smells anyway.

**Day 13:**

They're going to kill us.

Well hurray.

**Day 14:**

Turns out Robin's not dead. Good times.

Have been told to return Lute. Bad times.

Sun went dark. Freaked out.

**Day 15:**

Have stolen Lute back and learnt to play "London Bridge is Falling Down".

Asked John to take me to London to see the fallen bridge, but he keeps insisting that we go to Nottingham. Ugh. I live amongst such ambitionless tramps.

--

Please let me know what you think :) It's been such a long time since I've written anything lol.


	2. Chapter 2

This excerpt is based on the second episode of the third series, so if you haven't seen it, don't read any further!

Hope you enjoy!

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**The Super Secret Diary of Allan A Dale**

**Day 19**

We've been robbing people again. Feels quite nice, missed it really.

**Day 20**

Robin told Much and I to make an arrow machine. Where the hell is Will when you need him?

With the pigeons, that's where.

Ugh.

**Day 21**

Arrow machine works. Proper chuffed.

Bet Robin doesn't use it more than once.

**Day 22**

Apparently they're making all the peasants into soldiers. Was my turn to stand at the back though, so couldn't see a thing.

Frankly, most of those peasants just sort of wail about taxes and occasionally swap between whether they love or hate us. Tried having a conversation with one once, it's like they're from another country or something.

Rescued some girl. She has a silly plait in her hair. Wonder if she can make friendship bracelets..

**Day 23**

Stupid girl got Robin taken by Irish men with mud on their faces. Shouldered the blame a bit to be nice, but she ran off so she's lost all potential of getting any friendship bracelets off me. Hmpf.

Spidey-Sense tells me Much wants to do more than give her bracelets. He's been saying he wants to 'protect' her all day.

He's been saying that to Robin for years though, someone needs to teach him some new lines to use on girls.

It's going to have to be me, isn't it?

**Day 24**

Apparently Much has been playing the Lute for years. Am seriously considering the idea of acknowledging him in public in future.

He taught me how to play "Happy Birthday". I think he's hinting at something.

**Day 25**

Girl's back. Apparently her name is.. uhh.. think it's 'Cake' or something. She did say, but was distracted by the plait.

Cake gave Robin in to Gisborne. Stupid girl.

**Day 26**

Fell over & cut my knee, lots of pain and blood. Rubbish.

Tuck spat on it and rubbed it with his sleeve, insisted that it's medically proven to help.

Don't believe him.

Miss Djaq :( She had sticky plasters. With cartoon frogs on them.

**Day 27**

Robin escaped from castle, he was with one of those Irish people.

Then they flew holding a tent.

Am not really sure how to react, but am starting to believe that Robin is magic.

**Day 28**

We used the arrow machine again! Hurrah!

Robin made a speech.

Sheriff is still a bit moody.

Her name is 'Kate', not 'Cake'.

I think I prefer Cake.

--

Comments, criticisms, whatever you've got, I'd love to hear it! Or read it.. whatever.. lol.


	3. Chapter 3

Here's the third chapter. As you might guess by now, it's based on the third episode of the third series - so if you haven't seen that, don't read this!

Hope you enjoy!

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**The Super Secret Diary of Allan A Dale**

**Day 29**

Building a treehouse! Well, finishing it anyway. Will started it secretly before he left. Only knew because followed him around sometimes when should have been with Guy.

Perhaps will use it as even secreter secret hideout if necessary.

**Day 31**

Apparently we stole from church last night. Certainly did not, was entertaining village girls with some tavern tricks and songs.

Ladies love the lute.

**Day 32 (early hours)**

Just saw Tuck sneaking out. Don't trust that monk.

He better not find my treehouse.

**Day 32 (later)**

Went to Locksley, seems girls have forgotten my musical prowess. They think I'm evil now. Pretty sure it will pass when they've had to listen to Old Sam the Barman's singing voice for a week or so.

Kate's mother won't take food from us, but whatever. Will eat it myself.

Sheriff says he's villagers' friend. Haven't seen him making any bracelets though, so not convinced. He's got Tuck. Silly monk.

Oh, and Sheriff still wants us to die.

**Day 33**

Much went to flirt with Kate today. Told him to tell her she was perfect, it always worked on Will...

Apparently it didn't work. Maybe it only works on people who are perfect.

**Day 34**

The cut on my knee is looking better now.

Have decided to break up the arrow machines and turn them into a bed for the treehouse.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Keep this forest green, eh?

& means there is no more chopping of trees involved. So much effort.

**Day 35**

Whacked at some guards with swords today. Use two swords now, all the better to stab you with.

Also got Tuck back, he says Abbot turning Bible into English. Don't know why Much is so beside himself, he can't read anyway.

**Day 36**

Am dressed as a monk! So excited. Have only ever dressed as a nun before, definitely progress.

Went to find Bible in Sheriffs bedroom. Jumped on the bed for old times' sake - but not as fun without Guy.

Got caught. Probably shouldn't have sung "Ten Little Monkeys Jumping On The Bed" quite so loudly. Castle guards do not appreciate musical talent.

**Day 37**

They're going to burn us. Well that's new. It's usually hanging..

Perhaps they didn't like the monk outfit. Not sure if it makes me look fat, probs won't wear it again.

**Day 39**

Am not dead. Good times!

Managed to steal a blanket from castle for treehouse. Could sleep in there if Much's snoring becomes unbearable.

--

Again, please review! :D


	4. Chapter 4

Here's the fourth chapter. As you might guess by now, it's based on the fourth episode of the third series - so if you haven't seen that, don't read this! I'm sorry that it's so short, but it's difficult to find things to write about when Allan features so little this series. So blame the writers!

Hope you enjoy anyway!

**Day 41:**

Was chased by bees today :( Tuck hypnotised them and put them in a box, says they might come in handy.

Don't trust that monk.

**Day 42:**

Was told off for singing to the bees. Much said I was taunting them.

Don't see what's wrong with singing them a song called "You're Yellow, Buzzy and Fat".

They **are** fat.

**Day 43:**

Used bees to scare off guards, was totally my idea. Good thing they were still angry & upset about the song really.

Made the Sheriff's food cart look peasant-ie. Felt like we were on _Pimp My Ride._

**Day 44:**

Some new taxman called Rufus is in town. Had a dog called Rufus once.

**Day 45:**

Rufus smashed up some pots. Probably thought they were a bit rubbish, they were only half painted.

He also set Locksley on fire. Not cool. Hate putting out fires, am wearing my favourite top as well.

**Day 46:**

Kate is moving in with us, Much gave her a clean blanket but she is super ungrateful. Tried my best but couldn't convince Robin to make her sleep outside.

Cakeyface says that drunken girls with no taste cheer me up. Very amused, wonder if she knows she's describing the majority of her own friends at that point.. Except perhaps that ginger one, but there's always time.

**Day 47:**

Got in a scrap with some guards, got knocked out and am now stuck in a butchers shop with Blondie. She's annoying. And really not pretty.

Doesn't matter, Robin will save us. Soon, hopefully.

This place reeks of rotting meat. Kate needs to take more baths.

**Day 48:**

Seriously, where the hell is Robin?

Kate said I have a long neck. Totally ridiculous, Will has the long neck. I have the long nose. We both have long...

...swords.

**Day 49:**

Got out of the smelly butchers shop. Kate says she's staying with us forever.

Might have to move into the treehouse to avoid her.

--

As always, please review! :D


	5. Chapter 5

I guess it's been a while! Sorry about the gaps between chappies.

Sorry if it's not as funny as the other ones, I just read these things so many times that I can't remember if it's funny anymore! I know it sounds a little weird haha. Hopefully it will make you smile though :D

This chapter is based on Episode Five of the third series of Robin Hood. Don't read if you haven't watched!

**Day 50:**

Found Much and John dancing around with Kate's clothes and singing "I Feel Pretty" while she was out washing her hair this morning.

Joined in.

Never knew Much was a soprano.

Robin disapproved.

**Day 51:**

Much still trying to convince Kate to cook. Never worked with Djaq either.

**Day 52:**

Robin has met a dark haired noblewoman, called Isabella. Can tell he already proper fancies her.

Gisborne's back! Thought he was dead. Even secretly went to his memorial service. Was the only one there, but lit a fire and threw some flowers around.

Saw him on his horse, his hair is looking good. Didn't have time to say anything, bit busy running away. He's got "Elite Guards" - they have flags. Very scary.

**Day 53:**

Still running. Have been paired with Much. Ugh.

Tried to get to the treehouse for refuge but guards got in the way.

**Day 54:**

Gizzy got us surrounded. Should have recognised this tactic from our old games of Scarecrow Tag.

Then he released - get this: A GIANT CAT THING.

Tuck says it was a lion, whatever - it was giant and hairy. And **hungry**.

Isabella had some mustard powder and we got out. Still not sure why she casually had that in her pocket.

**Day 55:**

Turns out this Isabella chick is Guy's sister. Well he never mentioned her, feel a little hurt. Told him all about the A-Dale family... Told him all about the Scarlett family too, but he was less interested.

Robin's planning on walking into Gizzy's camp unarmed. Not one of his better plans.

Much keeps humming Happy Birthday again. No idea why, much more important things going on than singing right now.

**Day 56:**

Plan worked, Black Elite were defeated by a net falling on their heads & Robin released their own lion on them.

Apparently it was Much's birthday yesterday. Whoops. To make up for forgetting it nobody has mocked him today! Also, played him the birthday song on the lute that he taught me a couple of weeks ago.

Day 57:

Back to mocking Much.

Found John fighting a bunch of guards in the defense of about a dozen boys. He's either decided to become the Pied Piper of Nottingham or he's a new leader for the local Boy Scouts.

Was always very proud of my Sword Fighting Proficiency badge.

Day 57 (later):

Turns out that John joined a circus. Knew he'd been practising his juggling, but thought that was more for the Children's Entertainment career he was going to fall back on if the whole outlaw thing fell through.

Took the kids to the famous orphanage which lies in the outskirts of Nottingham.

Showed them some tavern tricks and won about five shillings - score!

Robin disapproved.

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Hope you enjoy :) x


	6. Chapter 6

On with Chapter SIX! You'll never guess which episode it's based on ;) haha. That's right, episode six of series three. There will be spoilers for that chapter. Okay, onwards.

**Day 61:**

Much saw a bunch of Prince John's soldiers hanging out in the forest. Ran & hid in camp to discuss plan of action

Robin wanted a map, tried my best with a bit of sand and some sticks. Was pretty proud of it, but John walked over it by accident. No appreciation for art.

Tuck decided that Prince John must have loads of money, probably trying to buy loyalty off noblemen. Gonna nick his gold!

**Day 62:**

Ambushed Prince John's carriage. Got out my kickass skills, nobody was really there to watch me though :( Mum used to come to all my fencing tournaments..

But it wasn't Prince John it was just some doctor called Benjamin Palmer. Dad always wanted me to be a doctor. Thought that maybe if I could show him how good I am at medical stuff he might hire me as his nurse.

Luckily, someone threw a dagger at Kate. Excellent. Have been doing everything to make her comfortable, hope Dr Palmer is watching!

**Day 63:**

Benjamin Barker- no, _Palmer_ says Prince John wants to cure someone of Scrofula. Dad told me about that when we were playing doctors.

Think Much is trying to be a nurse too.

**Day 64:**

Have converted the treehouse into a doctors surgery but need some real people to heal, Much's teddy bears can only have so many hearing tests before it gets boring.

They're all deaf anyway.

**Day 65:**

Was on the way to the orphanage to nick a child (was going to give it a check-up) but saw that Locksley church was burning!

Will have to get a child tomorrow instead.

Put out the fire, looks like Prince John's a pyromaniac.

**Day 66:**

So it looks like Isabella's back, Robin still fancies her. He was always rubbish at hiding that stuff. He still hasn't admitted that crush on Will he had.

Well we all know who Will's heart truly belonged to.

Anyway, looks like Dizzy Izzy can get us into the castle. Sounds good.

**Day 68:**

We got into the castle & are stealing all the noble's gold. Much keeps saying I should stop writing in this diary while we're on missions, but whatever, we have loads of time.

Kate's pretending to have that Scrofula thing to distract the nobles. We grab the gold then we'll escape through a trap door in the cloisters which, surprisingly, leads riiight out of the castle. Whoever built this place clearly needed a lot of escape routes.

**Day 68 (Later):**

Escaped, all's good.

Thought I heard Gisborne and the Sheriff having a bit of an argument upstairs. Those two never really liked each other much. Always fighting over me.

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Thanks for reading everyone! ;D Please let me know what you think of this chapter!

(And a quick summary of your thoughts of his weeks episode would be interesting too, if you're willing to share! Hehe.)


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